The Over-do-er's Editing Checklist: Part 2 - Point Of View

Earlier this week I posted part one of my personal editing checklist, as compiled over three years of agent stalking and reading every editing blog post I could get my hands on. The good news is – you liked it! Thanks so much for all the tweets, likes and favourites of my post, and I hope you enjoy part two just as much. Thanks so much for all the tweets, likes and favourites of my post, and I hope you enjoy part two - Point Of View - just as much. You can find the full post over at my new blog (time's running out to head over there before I stop posting here for good!). Enjoy!  

Point Of View

1. If there are multiple changes in POV, check that they’re all necessary. Are they increasing tension or confusing/slowing the action? If you NEED to show a character’s thoughts, can you imply them though their actions or through the internal observations of your main character? (Showing a character’s judgement of others can strengthen POV and character anyway, see point 9).  Can you combine passages to reduce the number of changes?

When in Greece... take silly pictures of marzipan figurines
whenever humanly possible.

... 3. Beware that you can’t always count on the location – for example a particular character’s house – to give away the POV. Look out for instances where you’ve only assumed it because you’re the writer and you’re used to a certain setting meaning a certain character.

... 7. Check for filters, e.g. “I watched.” If you were living that event you wouldn't think ‘I'm watching this happen’, you would just think 'this is happening'. Other examples: I saw, I heard, I felt, I wondered.

... and so on. Visit beyondthehourglassbridge.wordpress.com for the rest!

A Tale Of Totally Epic

This is not a review, since I cannot find fault with this book and therefore would come across as utterly bias. It’s not a study, an essay, an exploration or any of the things this book deserves, (and, unsurprisingly, has been subject to for decades). This is an entreaty, to writers everywhere, to get yourselves a copy.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

For me, just reading those famous words was a thrill. Charles Dickens’ classic, A Tale Of Two Cities, was finally mine to discover. I expected everything people say about his work – pages of exposition marring an otherwise entertaining storyline – but I was wrong.  The showing instead of telling was at times breathtaking. The use of original, detailed descriptions for emotions, settings and beats (actions that break up dialogue), put our modern day clichés to shame.  The mystery and suspense built upon itself with more strength, complexity and eventual closure than anything I’ve ever read before, and I’m genuinely afraid I’ll never enjoy anything as much again.

Everything a writer must do is hidden within these pages, but don’t think you can’t be won over as a reader too. What with murder, romance, satire, mystery, drama and the cold reality that this was based on genuine historical events, it’s no surprise that I found myself laughing, crying sobbing into my own snotty jumper sleeve, and holding my breath as I read. Having said that, I do believe writers will gain the most from this book, and since it’s clear I could rave about this for hours if I let myself, I’ll just leave you with some examples of what I’m talking about. And if you’re still in any doubt, just remember that if you’ve got an e-reader you can download this for free in about two seconds, so go do that. Now.

Examples. (Because I’m a nerd and I love ‘em!)

• Using ordinary settings to foreshadow the mood of the novel:

It was a large, dark room, furnished in a funereal manner with black horsehair, and loaded with heavy dark tables. These had been oiled and oiled, until the two tall candles on the table in the middle of the room were gloomily reflected on every leaf; as if they were buried, in deep graves of black mahogany, and no light to speak of could be expected from them until they were dug out.

• Omnipresent narration:

The wine was red wine, and had stained the ground of the narrow street in the suburb of Saint Antoine, in Paris, where it was spilled… one tall joker… scrawled upon a wall with his finger dipped in muddy wine-lees— BLOOD.

The time was to come, when that wine too would be spilled on the street-stones, and when the stain of it would be red upon many there.

• Showing instead of telling, using the (now-cliched) beat of someone blushing:

A light, or a shade… passed from his face as swiftly as a change will sweep over a hill-side on a wild bright day…

• Symbolism (knitting being both a tool for characterization and a recurring metaphor for the oppressed class’ growing desire for revolution):

They knitted worthless things; but, the mechanical work was a mechanical substitute for eating and drinking . . . if the bony fingers had been still, the stomachs would have been more famine-pitched.

And there you have it. Rant. Over.

On Puppies, Marshmallows and How To Write YA: A Review

As far as feel-good reads go, it doesn’t get much more puppies and marshmallows than What A Boy Wants, by Nyrae Dawn. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I was given my copy for review, but thinking back I remember nothing but fun, entertainment, and enough fangirling over the main character to make even my teenage sister puke, so I’ll do my best to do it justice here today.

Firstly the plot had a classic happy ending storyline, and although I thought I had it all figured out in the first chapter (which, I confess, did irritate me), Nyrae went on to throw in enough obstacles and diversions to keep me second-guessing myself right to one of the cutest finales I’ve ever read. And once we were on that home straight, I couldn’t help thinking, as a writer, that it was a perfect example of how to pull the story threads together so that nothing’s left undone.

I also have to commend Nyrae on the creation of Sebastian, a boy so real I now understand the blogs with the badge ‘what would Sebastian say?’, as I could completely imagine asking him that myself. The voice used to portray him is believable, funny and sensitive, and it was a pleasure to spend time with a real character and his real friends. Part of me wished for a few more complexities in the supporting cast but at the end of the day they’re just normal teenagers, and as it’s a YA novel, that’s exactly what they should be.

Being of that genre I expected the book to be rich in morals and themes and it certainly was, but nothing ever felt too obvious. The concepts of friendship, loyalty, love and maturity (including alcohol-induced immaturity) were nicely dealt with, by showing actions and consequences without delving into a lecture about them. Normally I’d groan at another teen drinking scene, for example, but I was too enthralled by Sebastian’s point of view of the scene to be bothered. And judging from the number of highlighted phrases in my kindle copy, I wasn’t the only one who appreciated the messages and thought them worth pointing out.

The editing, too, blended nicely into the background to tie things together, and as a result the storyline flowed without a hitch. I have a tendency to go all “Ms. Trunchbull” on bad editing but as I didn’t throw a single child out of the window by their pony-tails, it shows Nyrae and her editor did an excellent job.

Overall, I’d recommend the book to anyone looking for a bit of light-hearted fun from their next read. I’d also suggest it for YA writers in particular, not only because of what I’ve mentioned here but also because the opening pages had me wishing I was an agent so I could discover the book for myself, since Nyrae so effectively hooked me on a unique character with a fascinating story to tell. My rating: 8/10

Happier Than A Nerd In A Library Full Of Star Wars Toys: Review of Scribendi Editing Service

I’ll start today’s post with a warning. This is a lesson I recently learnt the hard way, and I never want the same thing to happen to you. OK? Here goes.

Don’t forward emails in gmail, as chunks of text are likely to send in purple and you are likely to look like a lame, twelve year old girl.

Got it? Now on to the post. :P

A while ago, while naively certain I was ready to query my MS (ha! I haven’t felt that stupid since my childhood belief that cars plugged in and had bonnets full of retractable, vacuum-cleaner-style power cables), I decided to try out an editing service, and today I thought I’d outline the process for anyone considering it too.

Firstly I researched editing services and found two companies offering free samples for your first few pages. However one company’s homepage was so heavily plastered with pictures of hot women in office uniforms (a hallmark for any trustworthy website) that I chose only to try out Scribendi.

The Scribendi site boasted easily accessible quotes and a quick, simple process for submitting my work, which included an opportunity to note any existing concerns I wanted my editor to watch for. Within three days (not bad for a free service, and the paid version can be even quicker), they sent back three documents. The first was a clean revision with generic notes for both good and bad things which stood out as they were reading. The second was a tracked-changes document, which focused on grammar and punctuation and included the comments from the clean revision so I didn’t have to alternate between two files. The tracked-changes document shows you what isn’t working and includes suggestions on possible wordings to fix it, and I was given plenty of punctuation explanations to help me learn the rules for next time, which was particularly helpful given the difference between Australian and American standards (apparently ‘g’day mate’ isn’t a commonly used salutation in the US. I know, I’m surprised too. :P).

Finally, my Scribendi editor sent a page of overall comments, with separate sections for story/plot, characters & characterization, narrative/prose, language/grammar, dialogue, word choice and final thoughts. Unfortunately they raved about my work so much that I couldn’t tell whether they were being honest or just trying to win me over as a customer. It’s no exaggeration that they were fangirling worse than a nerd in a library full of star wars toys and at first this put me off buying a sample, however their advice was still extremely helpful, and eventually I treated myself to a paid edit of my first chapter. At $32.71 for 1434 words you may say it’s a little steep, or you may say it’s worth it for a serve of editorial goodness, but either way I have a recommendation for you. Edit like crazy yourself first, so you get to know whether your editorial style is working, and so you don’t end up paying to perfect something you’ll only scrap later. 

Pitch/Query Workshop - GUTGAA Blogfest.

Hi fellow GUTGAA-ers, I'm trying something a little different today as part of our workshop. For a start I’ve left the query til last because I already have so much advice on it that if I get any more I think my head will explode. (Not even kidding). Secondly, I've recently re-arranged my first and second chapters, so this is the first time these words have been considered as the opening words of my MS. Scary, huh? But I can't wait to hear what you think and don't forget - be as harsh as you like. Every little bit helps. Thanks!

Katherine Amabel

The Hourglass Bridge

YA Urban Fantasy

90, 000 words

First 150 words:

The lie was simple; the effect, staggering.

A piercing screech erupted through the drawing room with enough violence to shake the thatch from the ceiling. Pain exploded in Arthur’s temples. He attempted a spell to block it out but he may as well have tried turning a gnome into a nymph for all the success he had. Rosemary, his twin, was about to yell at him anyway when the noise died down to a hiss. It still felt sharp enough to drill holes into their heads.

“Excellent work!” their tutor, Mr. Begley, congratulated Arthur over the noise. “Try it again.”

“Do you speak truth?” Arthur demanded, directing his wand at Mr. Begley’s throat.

“Of course,” he replied, and his soft, Irish accent soothed the hissing away to nothing.

“Gosh,” Arthur said. “That was…”

“Horrid, I know, but Levina insists I teach you these things. She wants you to be safe.”

Query Pitch:

Dear Agent,

When an involuntary daydream during history class leaves Diamond sleep ranting about a plot against evil, she thinks the worst is over at being scolded by her favourite teacher and giving her bullies more to laugh at. However that’s before Arthur, a breathtakingly chivalrous teenage wizard, pulls her into sixteenth century Wales, expecting her to save his life.

Convinced he’s got the wrong history buff, Di is ready to suggest he stick his head on a pike and stay there – until she learns the truth. Arthur is about to inherit the legendary powers that protect his hidden, magical civilization. Malicia, an immortal witch whose looks can kill and whose temper shatters mountains, intends to destroy him for it. And a cryptic message says if Di can’t protect him, she and her twin brother will be next.

Determined to keep her brother safe, even if he is a pain in the butt who probably deserves time on the rack, Di agrees to hide Arthur in the modern world until he is powerful enough to fight. Caught in a double life of sword fights, covert magic lessons, and near death (by embarrassment) experiences as she involuntarily swoons all over him, she refuses to acknowledge the destructive forces growing inside her. But when enemy spies attack her ancestors, and her brother develops saintly new powers which make him the most vulnerable target of all, Di realises she must decipher the ancient secrets of her bloodline and finish the war her daydream may have started – even if it means succumbing to a darker side of herself.

Better than Bingo at a Knitting Club Tea-party: A Review

G'day all, and happy weekend. Like most twenty-three-year-olds I'm spending my Friday night drinking tea, swaddling myself in my pinkest of old-lady dressing gowns and writing a book review, and I thought you might like to join me. Under the spotlight this week is Kelley York's newly released New Adult novel, HOLLOWED. And since I'm looking rather old and wise at the moment, I'll try and sound that way too.

Firstly, the novel is written in that damn-fangled new style called New Adult. I don't know what kids today think of such a thing, but I thoroughly enjoyed diving into a genre which features a new type of main character (i.e. a normal, independent teen with bills and jobs and vampire-fighting kittens). I also loved the fact that although this is a vampire story, there wasn't a trace of stereotypical vampirism. It was refreshing to see that characterization was more important, and that what the book lacked in fangs, it made up for in personalities and back-stories. I'd like to have seen some extra dimensions in a couple of members of the supporting cast but they were still thoroughly likeable in their simple way, and the entire novel was already rich and detailed enough as it was.

The plot in particular worked very well, especially from a writer's point of view. It was great to see the addition of layers and the continual increase in conflict and tension, as well as real examples of how to leave clues and build enough suspense to pull off a satisfying ending. I did guess one of the subplots, but there were so many twists throughout the storyline that I could never have been fully certain I was right. And what made me even happier than bingo night at a knitting club tea-party, is that I’ve rarely read books which ended with such a thorough sense of closure.

The world-building was also solid without bogging the reader down with too much description, and I really enjoyed the variety of settings - particularly the fascinating Old Town, which I'd love to visit. On top of that the editing was tight, thorough, and never once left me feeling like I was being told instead of shown or getting buried in an information dump. Kelley has great voice in her writing, whether that's through setting a scene or painting a character into life, and the entire novel reads like one of a real veteran in her craft. I've had my eye on another of Kelley's books for a long time now, so I was thrilled to receive my very own Hollowed ARC for review. And with my own personal score of eight out of ten, it turned out better than a pair of slippers and an early night.

Next week I'll be hosting Kelley, right here, for the final day of her Hollowed blog tour. I've got a mystery contest lined up, including a top secret video where we talk self-publishing, writing and book promotions, and more about New Adult. So hang on to your dentures, folks, because there'll be books and critiques and goodies galore to give away.

Update: Dodgy Spies With An Awesome Prize is now running, so sneak on over and check it out!

Bad Editing and Faberge Eggs: A Rant

A warning: I am about to rant. So if that’s not your thing, tune out now. The problem is I’ve been reading a few books lately (shock, horror!) and it’s made me cross.  Why? I’ll give you an example:

I nodded my head in assent.

What’s wrong with that, you say? The author has kindly specified that the nodding object was someone’s head, and that it was to be taken as a symbol of agreement. If they had just written I nodded, I would have been at a complete loss. What exactly did you nod? What for? My entire understanding of the universe is crumbling before me!

Breathe, Kat. Breathe.

I won’t name the book this came from, because I respect the huge amount of work the author went to in writing it and I know sometimes things slip through and it can’t be helped. What saddens me is that when I Googled the phrase to make sure I wasn’t negatively identifying anyone, I saw a whole page of results for books which feature it. Have these authors not heard the old writing adage, make every word count? Or have they mistaken that for count every word, times that by ten and make that your target MS length, then achieve that target by making each sentence 200% longer than necessary? (Coming from the girl who’s ranting, I know). Anyway while we’re on the subject, here’s another example, taken from a scene in which the protagonist hasn’t had a drink in who knows how long:

I gulped it down thirstily.

Oh, so you were thirsty? Right... I thought you were gulping because you wanted to look like the final shot in a Pepsi ad.

Most of you will probably identify that example, but I doubt my humble little blog will have much impact on its astronomical sales. And that’s the tragic thing – these aren’t all coming from self-published books. Take this gem:

“Please,” I say pleadingly.

I’m sorry, but…

THE PLEADING IS IMPLIED IN THE “PLEASE”!

And to think this series has sold faster than Harry Potter.  Am I the only one who just wants to cry? I have spent TWO YEARS editing my MS. Some of you reading this will have spent six/ten/seventy.  Yet we have to compete with this.

I’m not saying cut the life out of your writing, or spend so much time cooped up in your attic with Proofreading For Dummies that you go insane and start adopting all the neighbourhood cats. And I’m not forgetting that I still enjoyed the books I’ve read lately, even if they were laced with the sort of editing which makes me want to abandon my MS and spend two weeks churning out an erotic dystopian with an away-from-literary bent just so I can get published and spend the rest of my life eating solid gold caviar out of Faberge eggs.

Wow, Kat. Breathe.

I’m just saying that when it comes to selling your books, word-of-mouth is better than whine-of-mouth every time. So write the best story you can. Then call up your beta readers. Enter writing critique sessions. THINK about your feedback for a few days before you begin implementing it, and leave it a few days before checking it again. I know, as an aspiring author, how irresistible the urge to just get our work out there can be, but let’s not forget to take pride in our contribution to the English language. It’s not just our best marketing tool, it’s our responsibility. And if you’re nodding your heads in assent, please share/RT the message and help spread the reminder to us all.

Lastly, to the authors who have made it into my rant today, I admire you for realising your dreams and I wish you all the best. But please, I beg of you pleadingly… put down the thesaurus. Step away from the bleeding obvious. And for pity’s sake, leave that million-word target alone.